His Plans For Me

Christine Wyrtzen post:  NAME CHANGE

"In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me `my husband'; you will no longer call me `my master.'  Hosea 2: 16

            The only thing that used to unsettle me more than thinking of myself as a slave in God's household was discovering that He designed me to be intimate with Him as a bride.  I feared God's intentions because slavery had become very comfortable.  I had grown accustomed to the pace of working tirelessly, of training myself to perform grueling tasks without complaint.  I was so used to pain that I hardly noticed its presence.  I was out of touch with the needs of my body and spirit.  If people told me I looked tired, I argued with them.  "Tired" was normal and therefore nothing about which to be alarmed.  If a friend suggested that I should get away for a few days to restore my heart and feed my spirit, I ended up sitting on a dock, feet dangling in the water, but mind still racing.  I didn't know how to connect with a benevolent God to find rest. 
            God promised to teach me how to be a bride instead of slave.  In 1997, He took away the tool that perpetuated slavery.  My ministry!  He shut it down completely and I was left in deafening silence.  I didn't know who I was without frantic activity.  In that strange wilderness, I slowly began to know God; how He loved, how I related to Him, and understanding His plans for me.  He also taught me about the needs of my body and spirit.  Consequently, I started taking care of myself because I could see that God was going to restore me to a place of ministry. He completely overhauled my paradigm for Christian service.
            I came to understand that I had been living as the older brother in the prodigal son parable. I had been the rule-keeper, scared of my own heart, scared that my relationship with God would not survive if I were honest about my doubts and questions. I tried to do everything perfectly, believing that God would reward that. He didn't. He did the most loving thing possible. He used the betrayal of a friend to bring my ministry to ashes and bring me to the end of myself. With no energy to pretend, I came with a heart laid bare to God. I came to embrace what I had feared; intimacy.

As far as You've brought me into your bridal chamber, I've still got so far to go. But I trust where You lead me. Amen