"[Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." -- 1 Corinthians 13:5
My husband is a pretty fair fighter. For the most part, he can get angry without getting destructive.
But not so the other night. We were arguing in the living room, and his temper got a little hot. So he stomped out of the room and shut the door. I put a lid on my own temper and reminded him that shutting doors was a low blow. With that, the door cracked open. I was able to wheel into the kitchen where, I am happy to tell you, our silly argument was resolved.
Fighting fair is essential if Ken and I are going to air our differences and effectively deal with them. We have four fair-fighting rules. First, stick to one topic. The issue becomes clouded if you start to drag in past offenses. State your complaint in one sentence such as, "It bothers me that you always speed up when the light at an intersection turns yellow."
Second, allow the other person to respond. Don't use the door-slamming technique as a punctuation mark. Third, don't keep a list of wrongdoings. Like it says in 1 Corinthians 13:5, "Love keeps no records of wrongs." Fourth, take the initiative in forgiving. God didn't wait around until He had an apology from you and me before He sent His Son. If God can take the initiative like that, so can we.
Conflicts come up in any relationship. But with patience and some good, fair-fighting rules, they can be resolved. Besides, making up is much better than fighting.
Read over the list of rules again, this time asking yourself if there’s a conflict in a relationship that needs resolution. Do one thing to take the initiative to settle your differences. And then follow the rest of those fair-fighting principles.
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Father, thank You that You took the initiative when my sin separated us. You have given me this example to follow in my own relationships. Give me the courage to settle differences.
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