Hurt Feelings

Christian Working Woman Transcript

Thursday, November 08, 2007 - Managing Emotions Under Pressure


I wonder if you’ve ever thought about how much time and energy you spend feeling hurt and how that affects your performance and your ability to succeed.

If it were possible to measure how much productivity is lost, how many hours are wasted, how many jobs are half-done or not done because somebody got their feelings hurt, I think we would be shocked. I see it happen so often–in others as well as myself–and I’ve finally come to the place where I’m really fed up with overly sensitive hurt feelings. Now, obviously sometimes our feelings are hurt legitimately; I understand that. But my guess is that’s about twenty-five percent of the time. The majority of our hurt feelings come from being way too sensitive and offended far too easily.

As you examine this emotion of getting your feelings hurt easily, you have to recognize that it is a result of thinking that everything is all about you! If someone forgets to say good morning to me as they walk by and I choose to let that hurt my feelings, it’s because I think they’re purposely slighting me and trying to hurt me. I’m thinking it’s all about me, instead of stopping to realize they’re probably just in a rush, thoughtless no doubt, but intending no negative message to me whatsoever.

As I’ve often said, people are not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are! They’re thinking about themselves. I urge you to examine yourself and determine if you are a victim of your own overly-sensitive feelings. If so, one of the best gifts you can give yourself is to overcome this tendency. I truly believe we are often a victim of ourselves–our own worst enemy.

Start making allowances for others. If someone speaks in a tone that sounds harsh, tell yourself that they don’t realize it, or something else has upset them that has nothing to do with you. Unless you have firm proof that it has something to do with you, assume that it does not. It’s not all about you. Even if the other person’s behavior verges on being rude, just let them off the hook. Imagine an excuse.

I read a prayer once which I’ve written in my prayer journal which says, “May I be willing to make the same excuses for other people that I make for myself.” Isn’t that a great prayer? After all, we let ourselves off the hook all the time. We say or think, I’m tired, or I’m in a rush, or I didn’t mean to sound harsh, or They misunderstood what I meant. We make excuses for ourselves, but frequently we aren’t willing to make the same excuses for others. Pray that God will help you to make excuses for others, and in the process, learn to manage your tendency to get your feelings hurt too easily.

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I like the thought: “May I be willing to make the same excuses for other people that I make for myself.”